Edamame discovers a new world of adventure

Edamame tuckered himself out with his quest and so decided to go back to training for a while. However, he found himself getting tired easily and lacked the passion he had previously shown in the dojo. One day his sensei took him aside and said, “Edamame, I think it’s time you went on vacation.”

Edamame replied, “But I’ve hardly been around at all these last few months. If I cannot complete my quest then I must continue my training.”

“My son, you demonstrate the discipline of a true ninja. But all of us need to take vacation sometimes. You are young and are tired beyond your years. Go, take a break. That is an order.”

Edamame slunk out of the dojo and booked a plane trip home. He was a little bit sad as he felt that he’d let himself down, but he was also relieved to see his family again. A couple days later he got off the plane to see his parents and brother waiting for him by the baggage claim. His parents were small too but his brother was almost normal sized. They’d had to move houses after he was born because he was too big to sleep in an oven mitt. They didn’t mind though because they finally had someone tall enough to put the star on top of the Christmas tree. 

“Welcome home Edamame!” his mother exclaimed. “We are so happy to have you back. Even Auntie Ninjin is coming over for dinner.”

Edamame smiled and looked forward to climbing into his own bed for some much deserved rest. However, once they got home Edamame realized that he would not be going to bed any time soon. His mom had invited almost his entire family over for dinner and they would all be staying the night. 

“You’re the star of the show tonight!” his father informed him. “We all want to know what you’ve been up to since the last time we saw you.” 

At dinner everyone turned to Edamame and became silent. The dojo had to be semi-secretive about its activities so no one really knew anything about his adventures. He explained to them about his love for ice cream and how he discovered he was lactose intolerant. He described his travels through the United States, Spain, France, and Sweden. About how he’d been followed by his enemy in Argentina, China, and eventually Indonesia. He shared his pictures and the recipes he’d learned. His cousins asked him millions of questions and wanted to know if he could really beat up all those bad guys. He blushed, his ninja modesty preventing him from answering.

Then Aunt Ninjin said, “You know, your cousin Ringo is also lactose intolerant. I give her these lactaid pills and she can eat all the ice cream she wants. Here, have one.”

She pulled a bottle out of her purse and handed a couple of pills to Edamame. Then she got up and got some vanilla ice cream out of the kitchen and placed a bowl in front of him. His eyes bulged out of his head as he began to realize that he would finally be able to eat his precious ice cream. All of his problems would be solved!

He picked up a spoon, took a bite, and paused. His family looked at him waiting for a response. His face scrunched up and he yelled, “I HATE IT! I HAAAAATE IT YUK YUK YUK GROSS GROSS GROSS!”

“But does your tummy hurt?” Aunt Ninjin wanted to know.

“No.”

“Well then the pills do a pretty good job I’d say.” Aunt Ninjin sat back with a smug look on her face.”

“But I hate it. But what about everything I’ve done these past few months, all the recipes, and all the bad dreams? I have missed out on my training and my duties! Now I can never be a true ninja. It’s all been wasted!” 

“Oh Edamame,” his mother said. “It has not been wasted. Just think of all of the wonderful things you have seen and the people you’ve met. You are so young, you have time to become a true ninja.”

“I believe you are right mother. And you know, I’ve discovered that I hate one dessert, but there are many others that I like now!”

Edamame finally felt at ease. His quest had ended. However, he loved traveling too much to give it up and so decided to take a ninja gap year. He would try to pick up any neat recipes he found along the way, although they might not always be for dessert. He would also be sure to bring his lactaid pills, just in case he couldn’t get by without dairy. And he decided he would maybe even blog about his adventures. Keep an eye out for Edamame’s first stop to Portugal!

A Busy Month for the Ninja

As Edamame’s enemies grew more cunning, he realized that he would need to act more quickly in order to escape them. Desserts were the last thing on his mind as he traveled through China, Russia, Germany, and Denmark. His enemy appeared at every corner and at each major tourist site he found. He flew to San Francisco, where he almost got squashed by a car on Lombard Street. Next he went to Black Rock City, Nevada and attended Burning Man. Yes, he even fled to a desert in the middle of Nevada in order to flee his enemy. However, he found the art cars and numerous lights far too overwhelming, and so left before the man had been burned.

Reno provided some relief as he was able to hide under craps tables…or at least until an elderly man spotted him and insisted that Edamame would bring him good luck. At his first opportunity, he flew back to Boston, only to find that his clan was nowhere in site. What had happened? The dojo appeared to be untouched, each weapon in its place. But where were his fellow students? He knew he couldn’t stay in one place for long, so he sped off to New York City to find some answers. 

Once he arrived, he visited a sister clan, hoping that someone could help him. Luckily, the dojo’s sensei had learned of his clan’s whereabouts. He informed him that the enemy had learned too much. Edamame had gained fame at the Olympics. The enemy had been able to trace him back to the dojo in Boston. And so they had relocated to London. They knew that Edamame would eventually find his way back to them, and wanted him to know that he would be fully welcome to rejoin them once his dessert quest was finished. Edamame was surprised at the news, but happy to know that everyone was safe. He had always wanted to visit London. Now he would have the chance to explore a new city. But first things first! He had to get back to his mission. Where would he go next? 

Edamame decided he had not yet had enough of Asia (and besides, he had racked up quite a few frequent flyer miles by now) and so he headed to Bali, Indonesia. After arriving at Denpasar Airport, he hopped on a mini motorcycle and sped towards Ubud. He had never seen so many beautiful stone figurines or entryways. Statues were wearing checkered black and white cloths around their waists, several holding orange flowers as offerings. One day he went to the Barong dance and loved seeing the costumes. 

On another day, he visited Tannah Lot, which is a beautiful temple surrounded by water. On his way back to the parking lot, he found a man selling different types of food. Along with satay and nasi goreng, there was pisang goreng, a much loved banana dessert. Edamame had always loved bananas, and so was pleased with this new found treat. The bananas were warm and gooey, perfect for a hot day at the beach or a cold, rainy day. 

Oh no! A sneaky little monkey appeared and grabbed the bananas out of his hand! Edamame only had a few hours left in Bali before he had to move on. Perhaps he would try to obtain a recipe from someone, as he suspected that Pisang Goreng would be a little bit harder to come by in London. As much as he had enjoyed the dessert, he wasn’t quite sold on the idea of his favorite thing being fruit based. It would need sugar and lots of it. He sighed and figured he’d check out a map to determine his next location. He looked at the beach and wished that he could spend some time relaxing in the waves. But a ninja does not have time to overcome jetlag or to go boogie boarding. Perhaps he would come back to Bali once he had retired…or had returned to Earth in another life.

The Ninja Learns to Always Read the Ingredients First

Edamame was clueless as to where he should head next. His journey to France had made him a mini celebrity (in both stature and fame), as he had managed to bring attention to several pastry chefs. Tourists and locals had been perplexed by a small ninja running into bakeries and trying a variety of desserts. As meringue sales went up, the bakery owners requested to have their pictures taken with Edamame. Newspapers featured him in their Arts & Wine sections and rumors spread throughout towns of the fierce little warrior with a sweet tooth. However, Edamame was focused on his mission and unable to speak or read French. So he continued through Europe, ignoring the head stares and camera phones pointed in his direction.

Europe was proving to be a challenge. He made his way up to Denmark and Sweden but found that everyone he met only wanted to offer him flavored vodka or pear cider. Edamame certainly wasn’t old enough for alcohol yet and

so had to politely decline all of the friendly offers he received. While wandering through Malmo, he heard someone whisper to him from an alley.

“Hey little ninja guy, come here!”

“Who are you?” Edamame asked?

“A friend who understands you. I can help you find what you’re looking for.”

“How can I trust you?”

“I give you my word. I know the pain that comes with choosing blue cheese dressing over a vinaigrette. Go to Argentina little ninja. A long time ago, the Argentines realized that they had a dreadful reaction to milk. As a result they banished all cows and developed their own, milk free dessert: Dulce de Leche. ‘Leche’ means milk and ‘dulce de’ means free of. The country will welcome you with open arms.”

“They have no cows? I thought I had read somewhere that Argentina had cowboys…”

“Silence! If you plan to succeed on your quest, then go to Argentina.”

Edamame’s eyes brightened as he imagined a country filled with delicious milk free desserts. He made his way down South, passing through mountains, desserts, and waterfalls. He sped through to Buenos Aires and ran into a pastry shop. He tried asking the man in the store about dulce de leche, but he didn’t understand Spanish. He found out quickly that it’s pronounced “dool say” and not “dool che.” The man in the shop chuckled and then gave him a large serving of it alongside a banana. “A banana!” Edamame thought. “This must truly be what I need!” With just one bite, Edamame was in love. It tasted good on almost every fruit, on bread, and even by itself. He was not able to control himself and spent days at a time eating it up. But, he realized that his stomach was grumbling all the time. It ached and felt kind of funny. He’d barely thought about the other members of his ninja clan. How had he let himself get so distracted? The meringues had never made him act this way. 

One morning he was not able to get out of bed as he found his tummy hurt too much. He slept for hours until he was eventually able to muster up enough energy to speak with the woman at the front desk of his hostel. “How does one make dulce de leche?” he asked her. She did not understand what he had said and so pulled out a container of dulce de leche. He shook his head and said, “Donde esta internet?” She pointed him in the direction of the nearest locutorio (or internet cafe) and gave him a few centavos. He looked up dulce de leche and discovered that “leche” did in fact mean milk, but “dulce de” most certainly did not mean free of. In fact, it roughly translated to milk candy, or milk-based syrup. His face dropped in horror as he realized how badly he had been tricked. How had he not noticed the fields filled with cows on his journey southward? One of Argentina’s biggest exports was beef! In fact, Argentines ate beef all the time. Finally the phrases carne asada and parilla made sense. A typical Argentine barbecue consists of eating as much of the cow as possible! How that man had fooled him! No longer could he be as careless in his journeys. His enemy had learned of his existence and now knew his location. He would have to work harder to conceal himself and would certainly need to pay more attention to dessert ingredients!

A Useless Tale of Ice Cream

As Dan still has not created the Ninja Varnish t-shirt, I will try to bring our little ninja pal to life in a different light. We shall call him Edamame. 

Edamame is by no means a standard ninja. At eight inches in height, his clan highly values him for being able to gracefully hide in potted plants and mailboxes. Each night he sets out to complete a different task, working as the clan’s top spy. None of the other clans have managed to find out their secret. Have they placed cameras in every location? Could traitors be lurking in every corner? How would they ever suspect an eight inch tall ninja? Every morning Edamame curls up in an oven mitt and sleeps until his next training session.  

What his teachers and pupils do not know, is that while he sleeps, Edamame dreams of ice cream. The flavors and toppings vary. He doesn’t care if the scoop is cookie dough, mint chocolate chip, black raspberry, or Americone Dream.  Why, you may wonder, does he dream of ice cream? Wouldn’t it make more sense for him to dream of beautiful ninja women, noodles, or nunchaku? Sadly for Edamame, his master has forbidden him to indulge in ice cream. 

Oftentimes, Edamame will dream of a conversation he had with his master:

Edamame: Sensei, will I one day be able to eat ice cream like my fellow ninjas?

Master: No, my brave Edamame. For you are lactose intolerant. With just one scoop, you may succumb to only the worst pain and reveal our secret. No one must ever know of your alliance with us. Ice cream could lead to your undoing. 

Edamame strives to be the best and struggles between his love of the frozen treat and his loyalty to the clan. Typically, Edamame sneaks into the clan’s kitchen in the afternoon and grabs bananas, chips, and raisins in the hopes of staving a vicious ice cream craving. To distract himself, he runs twice as many laps as his fellow ninjas and spends his spare time in the dojo, away from the freezer. Lately his dreams have woken him up abruptly. He sees a member of the other clan, grinning evilly over a pint of cookies and cream. He beckons to Edamame, seeming to understand his greatest weakness. Edamame is no longer able to resist and runs towards the ice cream. Not bothering to grab a spoon, he dives into the container and stuffs whatever has not yet melted into his mouth. Moments later his enemy laughs as Edamame is overcome with pain. The lid of the container closes above his head. Edamame wakes up fearing that his nightmare will come true in a matter of hours.

He reassures himself that none of his enemies know of his existence, let alone his love for frozen dairy. The dreams have become too much and he must put them to an end. The only solution is to travel the world until he finds a dessert worthy of his admiration. A dessert that is lactose free and worth dying for. 

But where would he begin?

To be continued…